Determined to make 2014 count!

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Happy New Year folks! In the aftermath of New Year revelry, was feeling a little dull and exhausted when the quote above caught my eye. Like a thousand other quotes doing the rounds, this one makes sense too, just as you read it. How many of them do we actually remember? Or recall in a situation that demands it? Yet, I felt as though this one would be different. Almost like a talisman that I carry along with me.

My biggest weakness till date has been my tendency to get sorely disappointed over seemingly minor issues. Coming to terms with what I have made up my mind about and that does not quite turn out the way I expect it to requires a lot of hard work and mental strength. Whether it is about test results or a cute guy that I had my eye on, I never seem to be able to match the intensity of my expectations with the seriousness of the issue itself. When the issue has finished playing out, I am left to deal with the remnants of my mental imagery. I remember the time that I was dead sure of cracking an interview and nailing admission to my dream school. But of course, it did not quite end the way I anticipated it. I had to contend with a deep sense of despair for nearly three weeks after the incident. I constantly blamed myself for my lack of preparation and not thinking on my feet at the time of the interview.I replayed the conversation a thousand times in my head before I was so mentally exhausted, I could barely talk to anyone. Did this admission really count for so much in my life? Yes, I had dreamed of being a student here for ages. Yes, it would ensure that my future would, at a bare minimum, move along a pre-determined course. But when out of sheer exhaustion, I quit thinking about what had been lost, I realized there were so many other things to look forward to. A better job, another school, meeting the right people, making new friends, getting accustomed to a new place.

The past year has given me a lot that I am grateful for. I got the opportunity to retrace my steps, make a fresh beginning. Yet, I feel as though I haven’t been as appreciative of my bonus as I should have. Before what I have now taken for granted is snatched away from me, I will change. To learn to make use of the opportunity I have to make a better person of myself, to give joy in small ways to those around  me, to thank God for what I have.Everyday. And to also work for what I don’t have and what I wish for.

To never expect or assume means to lead life without a sense of entitlement. What I would like to do is work towards a goal, but try not to assume the best or the worst. I know it seems almost impossible to not consider the impact of my efforts on my future. But I know considering the future never helps. I do my best and then let a higher power decide what the outcome should be. No, I am not a fatalist. But I am going to be a believer.

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